Sometimes I think our hearts just overflow with a crying out to God that cant be put into words so it has to come out in a feeling. For me, it’s a swelling in my chest. I literally feel like my heart is growing. When I breathe in I feel the pressure and when I breathe out I feel the pain. However, its not a bad pain. It’s more of a ‘God there’s so much I want to communicate but I don’t even know where to begin’.
Maybe I’m crazy, maybe by trying to put all this into words and share with you I will further establish my record of being a little weird. Oh well.
“God there is so much I want to be. So much I want to understand and accomplish in your name and for your glory. God there are so many people close to my heart who are hurting. God there are so many people around me that just need someone to pay attention to them. God there are so many people that I have a burden for. God I want to be that person who sticks out from the rest of her generation. I want to be like Noah, I want to be found righteous. I want to be like Abraham, I want to drop it all and go and the sound of your voice. I want to be like Moses-torn between two cultures, yet unknowingly having been raised up and brought through circumstances, not by chance, but with a divine purpose to impact an entire nation. I want to be like Esther, unwavering in her faith even when she was overtaken with fear. Able to work within the political and social system of her situation in order to save her people and glorify her God. I want to be like Joseph, not afraid to speak about the visions you have given and the prophecies you have laid out. I want to be like Daniel, so devoted that he was public enemy #1.
I want to have an impact, I want to leave a mark, I want to not just create ripples in the ocean that is Mobile, Al. But to take the cannon-ball approach so that everyone and anyone who is around me is left soaking wet with the water that is your Holy Spirit. I want to love you without hesitation, for no reasons of my own, no selfish intentions. I want to see deeper than what most people see, I want to see on a spiritual level, how things really correlate and work together. I want to know your word, in such a way that it is the very core fiber of my daily existence. I want to KNOW your word. I want it be a part of my heart, a part of my mind. I want to be a living, walking, bible to every person I come in contact with.
I want to be a seeker of truth. Not just able to quote some verses and explain some theories. I want to be known as someone who has studied, reflected, struggled with ideas and picked out the pieces of truth that are intermingled within all our modern knowledge. I want to be wise. I want to understand people and the way they work. I want to be able to give wise counsel, based upon your word, your plan, your spirit.
I want to be hard core convicted, able to stand without moving an inch when it comes to right and wrong, and yet, always being able to move and shift and be flexible when it comes to being sensitive to where your spirit leads.
I want to be found pleasing in your sight.
Overflow of thoughts from a burden not conducive to words. Father overlook my human words, hear my heart. “