Today is a day where I wrestle with my thoughts.
I know, Christians are supposed to embrace the joy of the Lord at all times and everything is supposed to be perfect and happy and fall into place all the time.
Let’s get real.
Maybe I’m just that messed up, but more days than not I am struggling to simply keep my head above water and push forward.
Today is a day where I’m fighting to understand what in the world He is up to.
I feel like I have served Him faithfully and have been left in the metaphorical dust.
Life is very heavy.
There is an incredible weightiness of responsibility to face, and to face completely on my own. Decisions to make that I have no clue about and no guidance or advice in making them.
I don’t feel a sense of belonging or connectedness anywhere. There’s no safe place.
It’s all overwhelming and I don’t understand why He has me here.
But I’m quickly reminded that He does in fact have me here.
I believe that with all that I am. The words that He has previously spoken to my heart are such that I choose to believe and cling on to, even when every current aspect of life makes them seem untrue.
I don’t understand what He is doing, but I choose to believe that He is doing.
He is faithful. His promises stand strong. He completes what He starts.
For some reason far beyond my understanding, He chose to start something in me several years ago.
His is the truest and purest love I’ve ever known.
So I will keep wrestling.
Come quickly, Lord. Come quickly.