Beck Wattier

Sometimes It Hurts; It’s Supposed To

I don’t want to be a Christian right now. I don’t want to continue investing into people.
People are selfish, apathetic, hurtful.
I care a lot and I don’t know why.
I tell myself I’m going to stop. I’m going to ‘toughen up and not worry about what the people around me do with their lives.’
I don’t want to care, I want to live my own life.
I want to walk away from it all, throw my hands up and say ‘ You know what God, no one else is trying even half as much, I quit.’
I want the Christian life to not involve community because community is messy. It requires relationships with humans and humans are complicated. It would be so much easier if I could just hang out with God from time to time and do my thing.
“So just stop. Stop caring. Do what makes you happy.”
Cause that’s in the Bible right.
Oh, and that’s what Jesus did. He did what made Him happy and didn’t care about the people in His life, especially the ones that were hard to love.
Oh wait a minute. That’s me.
I’m hard to love.
I’m selfish.
He cares more than I will ever know, and so many times I just spit in His face by ignoring Him.
But He loves me anyway.
He is always there waiting.
No only waiting, but pursuing.
Not just pursuing, but passionately chasing me down. Just to say He cares.
That’s true friendship.
Looking out for my best even when I don’t want Him to.
Loving me even when I tell Him I don’t want anything to do with Him.
That’s what the world needs more of.
In a world of selfish, broken people, that’s what will stick out.
That’s something not of this world, something that forces people to look to Him.
That’s the standard I will keep in sight until the day I finally get there.
When did reflecting Christ become something that is supposed to be easy?
When did cross-bearing become a simple thing?
When did laying down our lives, dying to ourselves…when did this become something that is possible without pain?

One Response to Sometimes It Hurts; It’s Supposed To

  1. I needed this, so much. Good to know I’m not alone…and to be reminded of the truth…dying to ourselves is not without pain. Desiring to die to ourselves was a prayer we began praying about 2 years ago this month….now that I’m walking in a bit of the answer…it it time to drawn near to my Savior. Hearing someone else wrestle with these thoughts and truths is a comfort to me.

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