Beck Wattier

Coffee Stained Pages Pt. 2

Jan
25

IMG_20150125_184438 (2)There are many places you dream of seeing yourself in your head,

Out of all of them very few will actually ever happen

The ones that do take place are the ones you never dreamed of,

The good and the bad

The unexpected
Adventures get traded for responsibilities,

Big dreams get traded for paying the bills,

School girl crushes and dreams of forever get exchanged for broken hearts and ‘why did you leave me’s?’

Changing the world becomes trying to survive the world that’s changing you

 

Crusted walls begin to form around the once fleshy warm substance of your heart

Is this it?

Is this what we’ve been running towards?

How did we get here?

Lost in a battle you never signed up to fight in

Unaware of what team you’re on or who is on your side or what anyone is fighting for anyway

 

You close your eyes one night on the floor of your parents living room

Dreaming of what your house will look like when you get married and move away,

You wake up to find yourself sitting in the hallway of your very own house asking

‘Where are the grown ups?’

Coffee Stained Pages Pt.1

Nov
24

 

IMG_20141124_113005_029

 

At times there is a heaviness within you that gladness cannot reach

Surrounded by numerous joy filled things, the joy is reflected by this heaviness that has surrounded your heart and anchored your soul

You carry the heaviness in hopes that it will fade

“You will get stronger, just keep going.”

“It will get lighter, just don’t stop.”

But no. It does not, it will not, you cannot.

People see your struggle and reach out.

“Here, here is love, hold it tightly and feel better.”

So you grasp on to love, you squeeze it so tightly and wait for it to sink deep down inside within you

But it does not

There is a heaviness that stands taller, stronger

The thickness of this heaviness allows for no love to come thru

You feel warm on the outside but the cold remains within.

 

 

Sometimes your spirit is so heavy within you, you say to it, “I cannot carry you around.”

So you leave it to carry itself

And you leave yourself

And you become something other

Something not yourself